Canvassing for the human soul

I really want to create meaning for myself

Does that mean it's going to happen?

If I really want something bad enough. If I yearn to make it so

Does it matter? Is it futile to even begin the endeavor?

When somebody talks about control

Do they mean over themselves or over something else

Does anybody have control? We're on a gigantic spinning ball of matter and we don't even know how we got here, as Humans. What the fuck are we doing, being such pretentious pricks as to think we have the "right" to control this area or the "right" to control other human beings or the "right" to choose between extinction and the continued survival of different types of species?

    How can we ever be in control?

I don't think I will ever understand, but does that mean I should just lose focus and accept the deemed effort inevitable futility?

    I wish I knew more about logic. Logos is not my forte, and neither are most of the philosophical tools, for I have not gotten my hands on them to put them in my mental toolkit.

    Will any of this matter?