My life. Part 3.

So... You're telling me that there isn't a point?

I refuse to believe that. But why do I still feel so lost?

    I began my own quest into spirituality in the seventh grade. I had to take the school bus every day to school and we always arrived an hour early, which made me very sleepy before class. I began spending a lot of time in the school's library. At first it was for the comfortable leather couches in there, for sleeping of course, though under the guise of doing my homework. And then I began doing some searching on the computers there. I discovered this new skill called Lucid Dreaming and found forums with thousands of members dedicated to the pursuit of conscious dreaming. I became very interested in this and started practicing myself and keeping a record of my dreams.

    The border between dreams and spirituality is transparent. I fluidly crossed into the realm of Astral Projection, Meditation, Universal Principals, the power of Thought, and the illusion of Reality though I also sifted through a lot of misinformation along the way. I had to develop a keen sense of discernment because I was so young and there was so much content out there, most of it being bullshit garbage that was designed to get your money from you. I studied UFO's, alien life forms, binaural beats, science fiction and fantasy as well as government conspiracy theories and free-energy technologies.

    I eventually purchased a guidebook called Our Ultimate Reality by Adrian Cooper which truly ignited my spiritual fire and my thirst for knowledge. I read that book from cover to cover, was fully engrossed in its teachings and began to truly question the world around me and what it meant to be a human being on the planet earth. I was instilled early with the belief that the one truly beneficial thing a person can do is to be of service to others before serving oneself.  This made sense to me. If you can give something to somebody else, why would you chose not to? 

    I began to use that book as a foundation for how I lived my life. Still spending most of my time in the library at school, I began to refine my searches based on what I had learned to shore up gaps in knowledge and gain information from other sources to match up what I had learned from what they were teaching. It added up! We are not just physical beings, I learned. We are metaphysical and have multi-dimensional consciousness. We have dreams that don't exist on this physical plane, what was that supposed to mean? All of these questions that I was hungry to answer.

    I got a job my junior year of high school after I turned sixteen, according to the dictation of my father. I was developing a severe addiction to video games, which was fine. I had nothing else to do, and the school I was attending had no scholarly culture about it. The teachers were obsessed with making sure their students passed their tests so they could get better district grades for the high school so in turn the teachers would get bonuses for the sheer number of students passing their grade. All you had to do was the bare minimum and you would be fine. I was always good about taking short bursts of raw information and processing it internally and just remembering what was taught. Studying was not a thing that I did, and homework was rarely done either. I still managed to get out of high school with a 3.5GPA. 

    My job was working in an Italian Restaurant as an "Apprentice Chef". I found out that I hated working in restaurants, but I loved learning. "Everybody has got to eat." and "It's good to put a trade under your belt." were all things that I was told as I was doing the day-to-day, school,work,sleep, repeat cycle. I spent hardly any money, and convinced my father to buy me a one-way ticket to New Zealand. I paid a company to help find me resources in the country and keep me able to survive for a year. It was a great experience.

   But what was it all for?

I'm going to write a few more of these posts, but for now I'm signing off.

Peace, Love, and Harmony

~Faaabs