The quest for knowledge is the road less traveled.
I'm searching for a sense of identity. I don't want this post to just be about some regurgitated garbage that I heard somewhere five years ago. I want to clearly express my current feelings and avoid the all-too-easy route of summing up my problems and explaining them by using old analogies, metaphors, and misquoted statements by famous people that I learned somewhere at some point in my past. Helpful as they are, I'm making a personal statement right here to take responsibility for my own current mental state and state of being at this point in my life.
So, to get started, let's address the title. I feel fed up with my current existence. I got consumed in altruistic pursuits and enraptured in this quest to be this Angel to those who were less fortunate that I was at that current point in time. I became so happy being able to provide for others, sometimes for mutually beneficial pursuits but more often than not to my own personal loss. I felt happy being able to give back to my friends and community. I felt like I was finally contributing to society.
Had I lost sight of what was truly important? Is where I am at now just the Universe's way of telling me that I was doing it wrong, that I put too much trust in my fellow man and that I ought not to have? Why should I believe that? It wasn't in the egotistical pursuit of gain that I performed all these acts of random kindness. I simply wanted to perform random acts of kindness, and instill the feelings within myself within the world, in the hopes that I was sewing seeds for the future. Seeds of benevolence, gratitude, and trust in one another. Was I giving to the wrong people, and being blinded by what should have been the right choice?
I should probably give some background into my life. I shall do so in my next post.
Thank you for reading, as always.
Peace, Love, and Harmony.
~Faaabs
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